Broken inside,smiling outside.

  

She woke up feeling more miserable than ever. She tossed on the bed for about 30 minutes,when she finally pulled herself together, she dragged herself to the toilet and took a shower. With the shower running, tears fall across her cheeks. She cried helplessly. She got out of shower and got prepared for the day. 

 

She peeked at the door looking at her friends, wiped her tears and put on a smile and opened the door with a cheerful hello.  She smiled throughout the class. At times in the class, she was so drowned in her pit of sadness that everything seemed so blur to her. She pulled herself yet again and said, few more minutes Veronica, few more minutes.

       

   

During the class discussion, she was lost, very lost,lost beyond her control. She could always hold herself. But today it was too strong. The feeling was too dominating. She figured the best she could do was keep silent. She knew if she spoke, her voice will be broken , and she'll start crying. Her friends got worried and started to question,cause she has never shown this side of her to them,ever. She brushed them away saying it's okay -giving them a smile. 

    
            

She's is so torn. Torn between what she is feeling and what she is supposed to be feeling.  She hasn't texted or talked to him for more than a week now. She felt a hole. A hole so deep so hollow, crushing through her heart. If you have ever felt this way, you would understand the pain she's going through. Being strong has left her dealing with her problem all by herself. But it's okay she's used to it. Used to the loneliness, used to the pain,used to the heartache. 



Sign off,

The happy girl.

He's the one, at least that's what I thought.

Crushes,it leaves you crushed. That I have learnt. When I saw you for the first time,never in my wildest dream would I have thought that I would be so in love with you. You came into my life as a stranger, you walked by and said hi. We became friends. And eventually best friends. But sadly I started seeing you more than a friend. I fell for you, I fell hard! But I kept everything to myself. Never ever let anyone know about it. But sure some people realise it, but I kept on denying it.

It's not now that I like you. It's about 2 years now. 2 years of admiration, 2 years of silent loving, 2 years of one sided love. At times it seems like you like me too. But at times it feels like you're just a friendly person and that's just how you talk. I'm always the one who texts first. I'm always the one who calls first. I'm always the oe you keeps in touch as we are hundreds of miles away from each other. At times I get frustrated, but a text from you just vanishes all of the pain I endure. That's how much I love you. I cry to myself thinking how stupid I am to be loving a man who doesn't even care about me. But you just appear like an ad saying I care for you. And I end up believing you. People who care for me, people who are close to me, people of genuinely love me, are saying you're not right for me. They say you're a hurdle in my future, they say your what's that's gonna bring me down. They tell me to stay away from you. They tell me to cut ties with you. They are telling me to forget you. How do I tell them that I cant do that. I age tried and I have failed miserably. When ever I pull myself away from you,you come back pulling me closer to yourself like never before. Now after months they are saying the same thing again. They say you're gonna fail my future.

This time I braced myself and braved up to avoid you. To give you a cold shoulder. I kept my hands together and prayed to the Lord, to give me strength to endure this pain. I took our photo in my purse which I have always hid. With tears in my eyes, I kept my fingers over the photo wanting to tear it off. But I couldn't, I just broke down and kept the photo back. I will get the courage eventually-I guess. I have decided that I will keep you away from myself. I will not text you. I will not call you. It lasted,for 2 days. You started texting me. You started asking me how was my day. You started calling me. I read your text and avoid the natural urge of texting you back. I am giving you cold shoulders. I am hoping you would just quit and dont text me anymore. I am hoping that you just vanish from my life. I am hoping all that u should be hoping for.

It hurts me more than anything to avoid you. It feels as if a knife is slashing through my veins and flesh. It feels horrible to ignore you. It feels horible to avoid you. It feels horible to be distant from you. If you're reading,please free me from this misery. Please give me back my life. Please give me back my soul. I love you. But you're not for me and I'm not for you. I'm sorry.

Sign off, The happy girl.